He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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