Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
