There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the day after is always just damage control
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
