I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize