he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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