I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
