1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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