Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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