Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
