then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
