lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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