of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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