You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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