we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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