He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
