There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
