allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
