Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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