I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
