Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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