Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
