Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
