Someone shit on the floor
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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