I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize