there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
