She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
