good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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