Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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