Jerry, you need to find god
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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