we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
