he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
