In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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