I'm jealous of your bromance
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize