I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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