We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
