its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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