1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
