I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
