I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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