my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
