well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
