Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
this hospital has no fireball
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
