Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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