I want to make a zoo with you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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