So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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