YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
