I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm too high and old for this...
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