found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
