Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
