I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm just crazy horny about you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
