My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
