Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
