Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
