a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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