The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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