Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
