Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
