i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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