when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize