he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
