Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
