i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
