you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
