I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
