Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
