yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
