So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
