i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
