I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
