she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
