I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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