roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
