Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
