Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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