Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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