someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I believe in your delicious
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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