I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
