i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
