I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
