Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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