I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So vagazzling was a success
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
