I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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