And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize