he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We are two peas in an std pod
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
NoShamevember. You game?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
