took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's blow job season.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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