Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
