i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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