Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
