I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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