Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I will pee on everything he values.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
