I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
