She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
