I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
