i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And then he peed in my hair
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