What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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