He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
