a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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