Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
