My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
