she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
