i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize