I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
