Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish I only lived at night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
