you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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