I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
