I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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