I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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