Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How does one acquire holy water?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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