I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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