my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
