actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
