i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Houston, we have a squirter
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
