maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize